Life is just constantly changing.

2009-08-30T00:49:00.003-04:00

You've been tagged or you are reading this, you have the (dubious) honor of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. You have to tag me so really you just need 24 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you, but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your title as "Getting to know each other!", tag 25 people including me (tagging is done in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

===

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:45

2. How do you like your steak? I don't eat steak. In fact, I don't eat meat - I'm pseudo veggie. Only birds or fish.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Julie and Julia. (slightly disappointed)

4. What is your favorite TV show? How I met Your Mother

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? If I could transplant Boston to Florida for the weather, I would be content forever.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Greek yogurt and rasberries

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian or French. The worst ones for you.

8. What foods do you dislike? Ketchup or Catsup. Ew. Or any meat.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? hmm no idea. Cafe Normandie?

10. Favorite dressing? Vinagrette

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? 2006 Jeep Liberty! (her name is Lola)

12. What are your favorite clothes? Capris or skirt and comfy tank top with a swearter and flip flops.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Long run - Europe. Soon - Boston.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Half full. I try.

15. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere southish.

16. Favorite time of day? Sunset.

17. Where were you born? Boca Raton, FL

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Football. College FSU.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? NA

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? NA

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? NA

22. Bird watcher? no.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? night person

24. Do you have any pets? My cat, Melody

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Palm Beach Opera?

26. What did you want to be when you were little? Singer or a doctor (Ha. doctor...)

27. Best childhood memory? I have a lot. Probaly something with Cool Cats. Maybe singing at that convention that German Song.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Cat

29. Are you married? nope

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes

31. Been in a car accident? Yes

32. Any pet peeves? So many. Always being right.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Veggie.

34. Favorite Flower(s)? Rose. Sunflower. So cliche.

35. Favorite ice cream? Pumpkin!

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? CHIC-FIL-A

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test: none. hellz yeah.

38. From whom did you get your last email? Church director.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? H&M or the apple store

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Buy an ipod touch

41. Like your job? Actually, yes

42. Broccoli? if I have to.

43. What was your favorite vacation? Cruise with the family!

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Mom :)

45. What are you listening to right now? The Killers - Bones actually (itunes genius thank you)

46. What is your favorite color? blue? green? turquoise?

47. How many tattoos do you have? none. can't commit.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? NA

49. Are you a coffee drinker? I like it but don't need it

50. What time did you finish this quiz? 1:01 AM

Distraction.

2009-08-30T00:26:00.002-04:00

Directions:
1.) Find your stalkers! go here: http://apps.facebook.com/fancheck/
2.) Write the names of everyone (1-20) on your stalkerlist below.
3.) Don't read the questions first!! You'll kill it!
4.) Tag everyone you mentioned.

If you're tagged, repost this note with your stalkers!!

1. Whitney Yuska
2. Rebecca Shira Shorstein
3. Eric Sengson
4. Jill Demchack
5. Rob Pelance
6. Whitney Winfield
7. DeMar Austin Neal
8. Danielle Krawczeski
9. Steve Pozgay
10. Monica Pasquini
11. Brett Karlin
12. Chelsa Greenberg
13. Holly Cameron
14. Diana Alejandra Galeano
15. Andrew Wilson
16. Michele Lipton Joyce
17. Elizabeth Marcantonio
18. Korey Beth Dixon
19. Kim Goodman
20. Josh Willet

→Are you honestly surprised about any of these?
Yeah. So I'm thinking this application only survey's the friends you've had interaction with in the past month. Definitely not overall.

→How did you meet 4?
At the auditions for TMM. She was the nicest person. So supportive and friendly. She even gave me her number in case we didn't see each other after the casting process.

→How much does 6 mean to you?
I will miss her. Definitely a highlight of the summer and I will look forward to seeing her at Christmastime!

→Describe 14 in two words.
Loyal. Beautiful.

→What is your most fond memory with 15?
Bea. Whitney. Peanut Butter.

→Do you know all of 2's secrets?
I'm sure not all of them, but I think I know a fair amount of them! Loveeee.

→If you could marry either 1 or 20, who would it be?
As much as I love Josh and we are awesome coworkers and partners in crime at clubs, Whitney wins in the long run. In fact, we're probably already married. Victoria's Secret thinks so.

→How far do you think you are on 5's stalkerlist?
ummmm. probably not that far.

→When is the next time you're going to see 7?
Aw man, I have no idea. I talked to him today though on the phone! Maybe in October for his recital? Doubtful though.

→When is the last time you saw 17?
Last night at cheesecake factory for dinner!

→How do you think 13 feels about you?
I think she considers me a close friend, as I do her.

→Are 11 and 12 anything like each other?
hahhahahahahahahahahaa

→Describe the relationship between 14 and 20.
They've never actually met, but would definitely get along quite well.

→Would you ever want to date 18?
I care about Korey, but not in that way.

→What do you think 9's parents are like?
No idea.

→Is 10 single?
Sort of?

→If you had never met 12, how would your life be different?
She wouldn't have been in OpShop with me!

→If you could tell 8 one thing right now, what would it be?
Where ARE YOU!?

→What is the funniest thing you've ever heard 16 do?
... i have no idea.

→How did you meet 15?
Through Whitney post airport my first time in Boston. We visited Chelsea. Then we had sex. It was love at first sight.

→How did you come to be friends with 10?
I honestly don't know. Mutual friends? Closer during the Mikado? I really don't know!

→If 3 died, would you be lost?
Who would sing High C's?

→What is the weirdest thing you've ever seen 4 do?
Jill's like perfect. She doesn't do weird things.

→What is 7's only weakness?
Weakness? I don't really know actually.

→Are you friends with any of 19's friends?
Only BK.

→Do you think 16 and 8 would make a good couple?
No.

→What is the most badass thing you've ever seen or heard 12 do?
???

→What is the one thing 20 most exceeds at?
Being the best coworker ayver.

→If 2 and 3 hated each other, what would change?
Absolutely nothing.

→If 2 said to you that she/he loved 7, what would your response be?
hahahahahahahaha that's perfection.

remorse

2009-08-30T00:15:00.004-04:00

I do a horrible job keeping this up. I kept a livejournal in middle and high school purely because my parents would allow it. I went online every day and updated when they weren't paying attention, all the while swearing on someone's grave that I had deleted it.

I want to keep this thing to know what happens in my daily life. What I found funny, sad, amusing, the usual. And I never think about it. I want to try to keep a more accurate blog. Maybe a few times a week even?

I just found out my aunt (who, for all intents and purposes is my grandmother) has Alzheimer's and dementia. She doesn't recognize many friends or family anymore. It happened a few months ago and I had no idea. My family withheld it from me for awhile since there was nothing I could do about it and I wasn't really in any stable state of mind.

Without sounding callous, I was more emotionally moved by it than I expected. I spoke with her when I first returned from Boston in late February/ early March and, though she was old, I didn't think in any way we were heading down this path. I thought she was getting older clearly, and physically taxed. Apparently a month or so later the doctors made the diagnosis.

I was such a child. I was so lazy about them, and though I cared, I was always doing something when they called the house. I would talk with them but have to run to do something else. And now, here I am, filled with guilt, regret, remorse and overall sadness. Tomorrow I'll be fine, but it's sad to know that she's alive and in a childlike state of bliss and I'll never be able to fix my lazy actions. Regret is overwhelmingly powerful.

I had cinnamon toast crunch waffles with them. I watched Lawrence Welk with them. I sat on the floor too close to the TV with my sweater over my knees so that it stretched and cocooned my whole body (My parents never allowed either of those things.) I loved them. They thought I still loved cats like when I was 7. They were so supportive and loving and caring. I wish I hadn't been so indifferent as I got older. Maturity is so much an experience of learning from your mistakes. I wish I could fly out to California to be with them. To hold her hand, to say I'm sorry, to tell her I love her. It's hard knowing she's there and breathing and thinking, but won't register or remember any of it.

I think what is hardest is knowing that, most likely, the next time I'll see her will be for the funeral. And even if that were to change, she wouldn't be able to remember it anyways.

50 Truths i'msolame.

2009-06-02T23:03:00.002-04:00

[1] Who was your last text from?
Whitney

[2] Where was your default pic taken?
A drag bar in Fort Lauderdale

[3] Your relationship status?
Single

[4] Have you ever lost a close friend?
Yes, but just due to life.

[5] What is your current mood?
Dead. So so dead.

[6] What are your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Allison and Robin.

[7]Where do you wish you were right now?
Asleep.

[8] Have a crazy side?
I guess?

[9]Ever had a near death experience?
Unfortunately.

[10] Something you do a lot?
Laugh and Sing and Cry and Hug and be happy. Wow more lame sounding.

[11] Angry at anyone?
Not at all.

[13] What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
I don't like anyone.

[14] Is there anything you are really excited about?
NEXT WEEKNED JUNE 11 TAKE YOUR TOP OFF.

[15] Is there anyone you would do anything for?
Absolutely

[16] What you think about when you are falling asleep?
Sleep. OMG sleep.

[17] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Whitney.

[18] What is your favorite song?
Too many. Right now, i'm a fan of Adam Lambert's Mad World (OMG I'm SUCH A DWEEB)

[19] What are you doing right now?
Going. to. bed.

[20] Who do you trust right now?
A few people, but they are teh bezt.

[21] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Forever 21 actuallly.

[22]Have you kissed someone in the past week?
Yes

[23] Who is/are your friend(s) that live closest to you?
Rachel, Brett, Diana

[24] Describe your life in one word?
Roller coaster

[25] Who are you thinking of right now?
Sleep.

[26] What should you be doing right now?
Sleeping.

[27] What are you listening to?
Rufus Wainright.

[28] Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Brett.

[29] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
My mom sort of? No yelling really involved.

[30] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Occasionally because of nerves. But I don't like anyone.

[31] What is your natural hair color?
Dirty Blonde.

[32] Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Whitney or Andrew online. or Tess.

[33] Who was the last person to make you sad?
My Mom.

[34] What do you hear?
Coldplay.

[35] Is your hair curly or straight?
Wavyish?

[36] Do you have a best friend?
Yes, a few

[37] Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
Yup. And the same sex haha.

[38] Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
Occasionally

[39] Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes. All the time - especially in high school.

[41] Are you happy with life right now?
It's been better and it's been worse. I'm content enough.

[42] Are you currently jealous?
Nope

[43] What jewelry are you currently wearing?
Ring on right ring finger, watch and tiffany necklace

[44] What were you doing Friday night?
Rehearsal.

[45] Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes

[46] Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Yes

[47] Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Not really to my knowledge.

[48] What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
Oh god.

[49] How late did you stay up last night and why?
11 because i'mstupid.

l50]Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Yes

2009-06-02T22:41:00.002-04:00

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = Water
2. last phone call = Tess
3. last text message = Whitney
4. last song you listened to = Circus by Britney Spears (don't judge)
5. last time you cried = Today ugh.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = Yes
7. been cheated on = I don't think so.
8. kissed someone & regretted it = Eh, not really.
9. lost someone special = Not really
10. been depressed = Yes
11. been drunk and threw up = Yesbutthatsmylife.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Blue
14. Teal

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend = Yup
16. Fallen out of love = No
17. Laughed until you cried = Yes
18. Met someone who changed you = Honestly, I don't think I have
19. Found out who your true friends were = Yes. Oh my goodness yes.
20. Found out someone was talking about you = Oh whatever probably?
21. Kissed someone on your friends list = Yes.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life = I would like to say that i know all of my friends in real life
23. How many kids do you want to have = Two - a boy and a girl. More cliche caroline.
24. Do you have any pets = Melodyyyyy
25. Do you want to change your name = When I was 5, i thought it would be an awesome idea to change my name to Rainbow Sparkle Diamond Bright. Looking back on it, I'm set with Caroline.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = 21st - went to bars in Cambridge and drank my life away.
27. What time did you wake up today = 7:15 AM. The real world sucks.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Sleeping.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = JUNE 10TH.
30. Do you have plants = No?
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? = I wish I could delete this year from my life. And I would also wish I had a better appreciation of college when I was in it.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Yes. What a dumb question.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? This fucking COLD.
35. Most visited webpage? Oh my god. Twitter may be upping facebook. Or email.
36. Whats your real name? Caroline Christine Oliveira
37. Nicknames? Sweet Caroline, Caralala, Caca, Carebear. I think that's it.
38. Relationship Status? Single
39. Zodiac sign? Libra
40. Male or female? Female
41. Elementary? Pine Crest School Boca Raton
42. Middle School? Pine Crest School Boca Raton
43. High school/College? = Dreyfoos School of the Arts/FSU
44. Hair colour? Brown
45. Long or short? Shortish?
46. Height? = 5'6"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? No, actually.
48: What do you like about yourself? I'm pretty nice.
49. Piercing? 2 in each ear.
50. Tattoos? None
51. Righty or lefty? = Righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery? Wisdom teeth.
53. First piercing? Earrings
54. First best friend? Sasha or Meerali at Pine Crest
55. First sport you joined? Tennis
56. First vacation? Oh my god I have no idea. We were traveling when I was tiny.
58. First pair of trainers = What? What is this?

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating = I had a smoothie a few hours ago?
60. Drinking = Water still
61. I'm about to = Go to bed
62. Listening to = Falling Away with You by Muse (So much less judgement now)
63. Waiting on = Mucinex to kick in.

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = Yes
65. Get Married? = Yes.
66. Career? = Music somehow in there. I would love to be self sufficient financially off of my voice.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses = Kisses
69. Shorter or taller = Taller
70. Older or Younger = Older
71. Romantic or spontaneous = Romantic
72. Nice butt or nice legs = Butt i guess?
73. Sensitive or loud? = Depends
74. Hook-up or relationship? Sigh. Overall relationship. Right now in my life, just hook-up.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant? Trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger? Yes
77. Drank hard liquor? Yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts? Yes
79. Sex on first date = Nope.
80. Broken someone's heart? Yes
81. Had your own heart broken? Yes
82. Been arrested ? Nope
83. Turned someone down? Yes
84. Cried when someone died? Yes
85. Fallen for a friend? I guess so.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself? Lately? No.
87. Miracles? Yes
88. Love at first sight? I'm skeptical
89. Heaven = Yes
90. Santa Claus = No
91. Kiss on the first date = Yes
92. Angels = Yes
93. Ghosts = Sometimes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time = No
95. Did you sing today? Yes, but not to my best judgement
96. Ever cheated on somebody? Never.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you? About a year and a half. Last January maybe? I would love to relive Spring 2008.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it? Right after spring Semester got out last year was pretty awesome.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? Right now, yes.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? Nowhere where anyone will read it.

I think I'm just going to use this blog for my own personal surveys.

2009-05-29T22:25:00.002-04:00

More things about me no one ever wanted or needed to know.

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Pasquini.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
No. Urgent Care for ankle.

When were you on the phone last? And with who?
2 minutes ago with Nicole.

What are you excited for?
I think Tallahassee? I'll know tomorrow.

What were you doing yesterday?
Dying physically, working and talking to CMD

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
Mom.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Wine.

Have a best friend?
Can officially count on one hand today - Whitney, CMD, Brett, Tess and Diana

Are you scared to fall in love?
No, but I'm reluctant.

Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Yes, but they don't know what they are getting into.

Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
Honestly the two off.

What time is it right this second?
10:29

What do you want right now?
A hug.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Probably Rachel?

When was the last time you cried?
10 minutes ago.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Definitely.

Do you find it hard to trust others?
At first.

How fast does your mind change?
Life decisions, very slowly. Home decor and fashion, it's like men thinking about sex. Every seven seconds.

I bet you miss somebody right now.
Always.

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
No, but tomorrow is a new day.

Why do you think so many people cheat?
Looking for something new? bored?

Tell me what's on your mind?
I'd rather just let tomorrow be tomorrow.

What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
West. Palm. Beach.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Yes, Halloween 2003.

When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
UM I guess earlier today?

When is your next road trip?
Tomorrow?

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
Yes.

How's your heart?
A little deflated.

Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
Yes.

Do you think somebody's in love with you?
No.

What are you planning on doing after this?
Bed. Burning CDs. Packing.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Yes.

Who do you not get along with?
Michelle Eston

What does your 3rd most recent text say?
"Of course babes!"

What are you wearing right now?
T-shirt, sweat pants

When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
NO idea.

What's your favorite boy and girl name right now?
Cameron and Cecilia right this second i guess.

How did you feel when you woke up?
Um, pain.

Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Not particularly.

Do you crack your knuckles?
Nope.

What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Talking to CMD on the phone.

What are your LEGAL initials?
CCO

Who's the first B in your contacts?
Brett.

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Last night with CMD.

Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
Yes.

Last awkward moment?
Today phone.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Not really - I used to be!

Do you have good vision?
Not great not horrid.

Have you ever tripped someone?
I don't think so...

Have you ever slapped someone?
Nope.

Are you Irish?
Nope

Do you use chap stick?
Yes. I'm never without it.

Do you have any scars?
Yes. Chin. Fucking homeless bitch. And on my hand and side from rocks when I was like 10.

Is there someone you will never forgive?
Nope. Grudges waste time.

Name the last person to text you?
Monica

Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
Probably. I bet i'll marry someone a lot older than me.

Can you go in public looking like you do?
Nope.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
Yup.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
I sleep on the stage right side.

What's the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
Drink.

Do you fall for people easily?
Nope.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
Yes in rehearsal?

Do you miss the way things used to be?
Yes.

Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yes.

Want someone back in your life?
Just want to rewind 2 years.

Will tomorrow be better than today?
Yes. I will make it better.

What’s the color of the shirt you are wearing?
Grey.

Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
I guess so?

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Yes.

Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
Um, I'm single?

Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
I'm usually very naturally happy.

Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
Not really.

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
Um. Right wrist. Not really sure what.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
More often than I should sometimes.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Depends.

En Route

2008-11-21T18:08:00.002-05:00

Technology is amazing. I'm on a bus traveling to NYC right now with internet access. INTERNET access. Well, I'm amazed by this.

On the down side, it's really quite uncomfortable and I'm feeling somewhat claustrophobic in this window seat with the guy in front of me seat reclined. All complaining aside though, I'm making the quickest trip known to man to spend approximately 8 hours of gloriousness with Rebecca, my lovah. Yeah, you would totally do this too if you were in my position.

Work week 2 down. I'm just so glad I'm employed. And it's a casual office with really nice people. I just hope I'm doing a good job. It's a little hard to tell since I don't know what I'm comparing myself to. Yet again, I am the youngest person in the office. The average age is early 30s I would guess, but I'm still the youngest by a year or so.

I've been having regrets about graduating early. I don't know how my family would have done it financially speaking and I don't know what classes I would have taken. I would have probably been extremely unhappy. But, it would have been comfortable. I would have been with my friends. I would have been able to see some of the people I love more than life itself every day. Not all of them - one's in Virginia and two are actually with me in Boston, but I would have been able to see most of them. And regardless, I've been so strange lately and impossible to reach (both on the phone and in any sort of emotional sense.) But it still would have been safe.

Thanksgiving is on Thursday. For the first time in 20 years, I won't be at home and I'm not sure what I'm doing. And it's strange. And I won't be home on Christmas Eve either. That is another thing I miss about school - the ability to have vacations that span weeks.

I'm at a turning poing - hopefully a turning point of the better. We'll see.

All Hallow's Eve

2008-10-31T23:19:00.002-04:00

Working 8 to 5 makes you tired. Even though have the day I email everyone I know.

I'm going to start writing in this blog more often now. How in the world am I going to be able to look back at this time in my life if I don't record it?

This economy proves to be the most terrible time ever to try to find a job. Be happy if you're still in college. After countless interviews and less than a week of temping, I'm hoping that one of the interviews I've had recently will pan out.

Last weekend Caitlin and I went out toe harvard for a party and out to a club afterwards. Harvard people are not friendly and I know that yahtzee could be a clique, but I'm not sure even one person came to talk to us. And we were epically underdressed. Too pretentious for me. The only way we would have fit in the entire evening would have been for us to go find our formal wear, load on the make up and through on those 3 inch heels. We embraced our fashion "disaster" according to Harvard and danced in our own corner. We made a random friend (who I discovered to be about 29 after talking with him) who followed us and stuck with us but was painfully shy.

I met my future husband last week while waiting for almost an hour in a line outside a bar. Granted, he didn't know he was my future husband, but that's neither here nor there. He had some fancy job with computer software in the financial district and was so much fun and cute. But we never got into the club so we all parted ways. Knowing my luck, he's probably gay.

Temping in this healthcare place has been fine thus far. It's nice to actually use what mental capacity I have. It's sort of amusing that I'm ending up in a branch of the healthcare field. Granted, I'm in charge of organizing and updating ongoing research grants, but still, it's a temp job that doesn't involve filing or labeling or other random functions that someone who's brain was oozing out of their ears could still manage to accopmlish.

I'm happy here but not complete. I have no money and I'm tired of living off the tiniest amount of money. I miss music. I miss singing and performing. I miss rehearsal. I'm unfulfilled. I'm just thankful I'm able to put my finger down on what it is that makes me feel this way. I also miss the people who just understand me. I thought I would have friends like that here, but with the exception of a couple, I've been a little disappointed. I really need to stop complaining - I know things could be much worse. I should be counting my blessings. I'm just being emo.

I'm a freaking gimp. I have this stupid air cast that I have to wear all weekend. I look ridiculous. I let a sprain go for too long and now I'm bound to this inconvenient, uncomfortable, bulky, itchy and awkward leg/ankle brace/air cast shit. I even had to go to pediatric emergency care because the hospital ushers anyone 21 and under to that wing of the hospital. Then I waited 3 hours for them to tell me I had a sprain (quel surprise). And getting home was more difficult than if I had tried to cook thanksgiving dinner on my own. Halloween is not a good night to travel. Let's also talk about how I accidentally went the wrong way on the bus, so I hopped off at a T station. Then I had to transfer trains, but the station in the opposite direction was closed. So, I traveled back in a stop to transfer over to an outbound change. I finally arrived home at 8:30. Happy Halloween.

I will promptly stop complaining and whining and sleep. Tomorrow should prove to be an interesting day.

summary.

2008-09-18T02:11:00.002-04:00

Oh my GOD i miss the East coast. It's not just a place, it's a mentality. I can truly say that now that I've lived here on the "other" coast.

I miss Whitney and Christopher. and Rebecca and Monica. Too much.

I miss my family.

I miss the other time zone.

I miss my days having structure.

I miss the average age of people that I hang out with at least being a double digit number.

It's hard. I keep reminding myself that this was a decision that I made. It was made in a bit of a low time, but it was one that I made. I could be somewhere comfortable and familiar and I chose to do this. But at the same time, it has been a good experience. I have learned a tremendous amount about kids and the opera world. I still don't know what I want out of my future and it's hard having no purpose educationally or musically. I really do miss singing.

But, today is the halfway mark. I've been here for 3 weeks and I have 3 weeks left. I can and can not believe how fast it went.

October make me anxious. Good and bad anxious. This will probably be one of the scariest months of my life. No job, little money and a new city. But I know I have friends that I miss dearly that will be there waiting. That are there now waiting, with their arms open. I just have to get there and keep swimming.

Starstruck

2008-09-10T03:22:00.002-04:00

So, here I am across the country with one friend within a 300 mile radius.

I sat in the "VIP" section for Verdi's Simon Boccanegra this evening.

While waiting for my ride home at the stage door, I chatted with Dmitri Hvorostovsky, the baritone lead in the opera. http://www.hvorostovsky.com/

Then, congratulated the most amazingly talented and gracious tenor on a magnificent performance while he met up with his girlfriend.

Following that I discussed on the ride home my interpretation and feelings of the opera with the Conductor.

And after a glass of wine back at home, I was given a special pass to see the dress rehearsal for a world premiere of a different opera tomorrow evening since they both have previous engagements.

I am the luckiest girl ever.
And I am finally reminded of why I love music this evening. Thank you, Verdi.

Graduating early and coming to San Francisco was the best decision I could have ever made.
I truly miss singing and can't wait to start back up again. Music is amazing.

crossing the country

2008-08-24T00:35:00.004-04:00

I cannot believe that in 3 days, I will be moving everything I can across the United States.

I mean, seriously, does it GET any farther away? The only thing to make it any farther from home is if I had moved to Washington. But I'm definitely on the other coast of the US.

Then afterwards, in October, I do this:

Honestly, I'm playing human pinball with America.

I feel right now like I wish I could just go to Boston. I know this is going to be a great experience in San Francisco, but I would love to just head north and get settled now after spending that time in the city. I'm nervous heading somewhere that I don't know a soul. It's so different than going to college or school - you know that you'll meet people over time. Right now, I'm just picking up and seeing where it takes me.

Nonetheless, I've been procrastinating on things that I have to get done before my flight on Wednesday. I just keep putting off those irritating errands that need to be completed.

It hasn't really hit me that school starts on Monday. My senior year of college would have started in 48 hours and I completely bypassed it. I'm wondering when it will hit me that my friends are all in school for their last year and I'm finished. Only time will tell.

2008-08-18T18:53:00.003-04:00

I'm in love.

with Boston.

This has been the most amazing few days. I can't wait to truly start my life here.

2008-08-13T22:15:00.005-04:00

In 24 hours, this:

And This:

will be happening. I will be there tomorrow night.

Happy Champagne Thursday in Boston!

What else does one need?
I can not wait.

My future

2008-08-07T20:31:00.002-04:00

<--- Current Job

Future Job --->

Well isn't my resume

going to be special.

Obsession

2008-08-05T22:04:00.000-04:00

It's really unhealthy.

I'm almost done. How sad is that? I just am too wrapped up in it to do anything else useful or productive in my free time except go to the gym and miss my friends.

And, no matter how old I get, I will always hate going to the doctor.

Counting Down

2008-08-04T22:22:00.000-04:00

How about, I'm obsessed with this little book called Breaking Dawn. You know, the one meant for high schoolers. It just happens to be a 754 page little book. I just don't ever want to put it down.

I go back to work tomorrow. Another job where I pretty much make my own hours. I feel a little silly "working for daddy" but it really does pay well and the company technically hired me. I'm totally attempting to justify this right now.

4 days till WPB. 10 days till Boston. 23 days till San Fran. This month is going to fly by. hopefully.

Yearbooks.

2008-08-03T00:52:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for being such wonderful influences in my life. You are some of the most wonderful, talented, kind and amazing people that I've come across. I'm so blessed to call each and every one of you my friends and am so thankful to have met you. I know this isn't goodbye, but I wanted to tell you how much you all meant to me.

That first time we met was just gloriousness. We graduated high school and I crashed a date of you and your girlfriend at the time. You were the best SM an ASM could ever ask for. It's a shame we never lived in the infamous neighborhood in Boca Raton entitled Broken Sound at the same time. My silly family decided it was a necessity to move a whopping 3 blocks away. Nonetheless, we would have been just a couple of sub-communities away. Your knowledge of music and opera is astonishing. Your passion for life is invigorating and addictive to anyone who is around you. I strive to be more like you in your commitment and your astounding ability to follow through with a plan you've created. I don't know anyone else who could have conquered their fears, put together a trip to England, met so many influential people and come back with a project almost ready to go. And the most impressive thing - you were given scholarship to do this. I wish you the best of luck in the fall with your show - I know you'll be amazing. I can't imagine anyone else who would be able to accomplish this feat that you're already halfway finished with. I'll always be a phone call away and I PROMISE I will be awake at absurd hours for awhile. Remember, 3 hour time difference? Plus, I'll send you stickey notes in the mail if you would like showing 2 truths and a lie.

I find it so ironic that we were across the hall neighbors for an entire year before we solidified our friendship due to unfortunate living situations for the both of us. This then caused us to live in the same household. Apparently, putting us in the same building just isn't quite enough for us. We had to share some sort of communal living space for us to get to know each other and realize just how destined our fates were to be intertwined (I HAD to throw that in there for the dramatic appeal.) Then the fates decided to toy with our emotions by giving us virtually the same exact class schedule. What in the world are the odds of that in college? Slim to none. But girl, I have to say, if it hadn't been for you, I would have lost my mind and my gpa. You are SO talented it's extraordinary. You have managed to become such a star in a department that is sometimes hard to stay afloat in and I have no doubt that your senior year will continue on that trend. I look up to you in so many ways. Your perseverance and your strength is something that is sought after by many. It just comes so naturally to you. Not to mention you are one of the most beautiful and honest people - both inside and out. I could never have gotten through some of the most difficult times without you and I am so thankful for your presence in my life. I couldn't ask for a better best friend and am so blessed. When you come visit me in Boston, we will eat every meal at Panera. Don't you worry.

Let's thank heaven and earth and all the powers to be that this is definitely not goodbye for us. In fact, I'll be seeing you in a week from now. Again, thank the Lord. These past 2 weeks have been difficult enough. Besides, how cruel would God have to be to place us in each other's lives and then decide that it's time that we both move away? Thankfully, he was on our side. Who would have known I could have fallen in love with you in just 3 months. But because of you, I now love sucilicious, Twilight and bumper stickers. Besides, you totally single-handedly rekindled my AIM usage. If our work schedules had been more compatible, I think we would have been inseparable. Especially with our love of daytime drinking, lake ella dates, chinese food and awkward rendez-vouz in grocery store parking lots, the world would have been in trouble if we were spending more time together than we already were. Too bad we're moving to Boston together! I will spare you the tear-jerking statements, I just couldn't NOT put you in this little post. It's amazing how quickly we've grown so close, but I think we are the perfect example of how opposites attract. You are one of those best friends that I know I will keep in touch with for life. You are such a supportive person and have been through some rough times with me this summer. I have absolutely no idea what i would have done without you. I love you to death and basically pee myself with excitement knowing what is waiting for us in the fall. Don't have too much fun in August and September without me. And I hope that there is very little sobriety in store for us August 14th-19th. BFF4EAEEIOUZZZZZSEXXXZZZDKROEPAS.

I don't think you understand how mad it makes me that we didn't become close until this summer. Nonetheless, I am so thankful that it happened. Better late than never right? And thank GOD that Peabody is only a few hours away from NYC. We will have to reunite there many times throughout the fall, otherwise, I don't know what I would do. Our French Lit and Pitaria dates will always be a wonderful reminder of what a sanity you were to me this last semester here. Honestly, you have always had the nicest things to say, and I know that I can ever thank you enough. You have given me such faith in my abilities with your constant support and I always have appreciated that. Even if I didn't know how to accept them with enough grace, I held on to what you said and was more thankful than you'll ever know. You are so humble - I wish you realized just what you had yourself! Your talent, beauty, grace and kindness are astounding. People in this world strive to have just one of those qualities and you have all four! You have one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard and I cannot WAIT till the day comes when you are performing on a professional stage and I can say like a proud parent "I am her friend."

I don't even know where to begin with you. Even at the first Yahtzee retreat when I was overwhelmed with what I had just gotten myself into, you were so kind to me. As the years went on, we continued to grow closer. With all of the drinking, the Yahtzee trips, the car rides listening to CDs of a cappella, the drinking, the music directing, Caroline's Corner, and the drinking, I feel like I've known you forever. I mean, who else yells at me, I cry like a baby about it and then a week later, we laugh about it? And when I was supposed to be the next leader of ANY, you were such a strong support. You always pushed me to try to succeed with the thousands of arrangements I never finished and the prospective of being music director. The fact of the matter was, I didn't feel like trying because you are so gifted at what you do already. Your brilliance astounds me. You accept any subject with open arms and soak in the knowledge like a sponge. You could conquer the world, do you realize that? You accept people the same way - with open arms. You are open to everyone and accept anyone you meet without bias and with love. That right there is something that many people will never begin to succeed at and you have mastered it. People are drawn to you. I honestly feel like you are the brother that I never had. I look up to you in so many ways. I just hope you begin to realize how talented you are as well and how you have the God given talent to succeed at almost anything you try. I better see you in October. And you better move to Boston, stat.

Until you reminding me on my last night in town, I actually didn't remember the first time we met. Now that I realized that I immediately self-proclaimed myself as the bad SAI sister, I'm surprised we even became so close as we were! I mean, come on, you had to judge me. You were president at your chapter and now, here I am, strolling in late and introducing myself as the "failure" to the sisterhood? My first memory with you was actually at that party in the picture above where we jumped around the room singing Bohemian Rhapsody. It only got better from there. With the spring Mikado, pad thai, the car rides to South Florida, boating trips, singing Jasmine, talking about "stupid whores" with you, and analyzing our past relationships, I don't know how my life was completely fulfilled without you before this. We MUST reconvene in south Florida at Christmas time so we can continue to tan at the pool in color coordinated floaties. I cannot WAIT for you to sing the doll aria for someone important. I mean, honestly, that right there is your ticket to success. It's been one of those performances from Seminar that's remembered, and that says something. Somehow whenever I'm with you, I feel so comfortable. I know that I can laugh and be silly and be stupid but not worry about you judging me. You're an amazing listener - one of the best. Your guidance throughout everything has been such a blessing. You've been such a great friend through this crazy summer and I don't think you realize how much you helped me with the problems that I encountered. I'm so glad I was able to spend the time with you that I did this year. Although it was so unfortunately short, I'm so glad we were able to become so close so fast. I cherish our friendship more than you know, I think. I cannot wait to see you in October! Keep an eye on my apartment.

First of all, kudos to you for hanging out with the girls! You managed to survive being the only guy in our little group of extremely loud, outgoing and enthusiastic close friends. That's not to say that we definitely appreciated your presence! You are one of the smartest people I have ever encountered. An intellectual conversation with you is almost overwhelming. I have never in my life met someone so young, so well versed and so knowledgeable in/about their field, and all aspects of that field. You also happen to be one of the most hysterical human beings ever. It's clearly such a small world for me to have come across your arrangement a year ago and be such good friends with you now. I wish you hadn't "held up the cards" for so long when you first got here, but I am thankful for the friendship that's developed despite your distance at first. (And I'm sure my disdain for you for that short period of time earlier this year didn't help much either...) I honestly think you're one of those few singers who actually looks comfortable acting on the stage and that is simply one of those things that can't be taught. That and your photographic memory. You're off to do great things and that's clear to anyone who has spent any substantial time around you. I mean, seriously, how many people can claim that they'll have a DM by the time they're 27 or 28? Exactly. As with everyone else, I better be seeing you in Boston this fall.

Last but certainly not least. In ANY way. Seriously, how many people can actually pin the day down in which their relationship was solidified? April 13th, 2008. (Happy Birthday Tess.) We cooked, we drank, we went to a recital, we drank, we shared secrets, we fell in love, we drank, we had a sleepover, we cuddled and we got bagels. Honestly, what else is necessary in life? You are one of those people who lights up a room when the walk in. How cliche sounding, I know, but it's true. I have yet to meet a single person who doesn't like you. You are one of the most loving and carefree girls in the entire world. I mean, look at you at the end of July! You come back from Europe, get acclimated to the time change and then immediately help every single one of your friends move out of their apartments in Tallahassee. I don't know many people with such loyalty. You are the life of the party and I feel so special in saying that you are one of my best friends. For all the stories and secrets that I've shared with you, you have NEVER once judged me for anything that I've done or felt. And let's face it, I've probably done a couple of things that are judgement-worthy. In such a short span of time I felt like I was able to pour my heart out to you and that is both alarming and awesome. It's amazing as well that I know you will continue to be that to me and I hope you will feel the same. You've been there to see my cry, hug me and tell me that it's all going to be fine. That's something that is so simple and that should never be underestimated. Don't even get me started on your voice. It's just gorgeous and you make singing seem so easy. I can't wait to see what life has in store for you. This is just the beginning of an awesome journey for you, I have no doubt. And, of course, I best be seeing you this semester.

New Beginnings

2008-08-03T00:37:00.001-04:00

What a cliche title for the start of this. I figured that I may as well hop on the band wagon and attempt to stay in touch with people as well as document this absurdly monumental change in my life. Therefore, this is just a wonderful way to kill two birds with one stone.

I managed to fit 3 and a half wonderful, exciting, emotional, overwhelming and indescribable years into the trunk of a Jeep Liberty which happens to be no longer mine. I've said goodbye to some of the most influential people in my life. After years of tears and laughter, I've walked away from my college experience as what I hope as a stable, well balanced and new and improved 20 year old version of me after high school. Who can believe that 3 years ago at this time I was dying to begin what was supposed to be "the most exciting and life changing 4 years of my life." Everyone was right. College was the most life altering experience for me. And now, I am about to face the real world.

Somehow in this month that I am sort of home, I have to pick only the most essential items to fit into 2 suitcases to move with me successfully through steps 4 and 5 of my "5 steps to becoming Adultish". Speaking of:

My 5 Steps to Becoming Adultish

Note how this is adultish. Not a full blown adult. Just a somewhat adult.

Step 1: Move away from Tallahassee and say goodbye to some of the most amazing people in your life.

Step 2: Reorganize the life you managed to fit into an SUV, while living at home for a month to work and regroup.

Step 3: Visit Boston with Whitney, Andrew, Laura and Michelle to remind you just what, in fact, life has in store for you.

Step 4: Re-fit said life from step 2 into 2 suitcases and move to San Francisco to take care of 3 kids and make more money while having all expenses paid for in yet, another, awesome city.

Step 5: Move to freaking Boston.

I haven't gotten past Step 5. Clearly a kink that I need to work out. Hence, why the list is also called "My 5 Steps to becoming Adultish". If I were about to be a full blown adult with interviews and job offers and apartment leases signed etc (like some friends) I would have entitled it "My 5 Steps to Becoming an Adult". No ish. No adjective. It would be a state of being. A thing. A noun.

But here I am, a quasi-adult. And will be for a little while at least. But, I have a degree to prove my no longer student status. Or at least I will have one in about 3 weeks, pending of course however long the US Postal service decides to take.